Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
