his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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