it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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