this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
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I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
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I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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