Christians are straight up FREAKS
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
