i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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