There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
