No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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