he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
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He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
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We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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