There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
