its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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