You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
