Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
