His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
