My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
this boner is exhausting
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
