when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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