Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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