Apparently you make a good broom.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
