so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
