You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
