And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There's always time for handjobs
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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