What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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