Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
