I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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