she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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