My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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