I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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