Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
