I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
