I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't deserve a penis
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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