just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
