We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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