I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
