Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
