All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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