Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
