you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
