Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
