It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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