His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
