careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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