if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
