my text book just quoted the cookie monster
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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