Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
