are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
