never play flip cup with pint glasses
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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