As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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