dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
