I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
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I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
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My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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