An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
