I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
