do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
