I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success