Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
