Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
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Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo