I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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