Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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