FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
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I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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