He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
