My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
