apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My pussy is not your playground.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
