Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
